Drinking at Weddings

Mom:  How was the wedding?

Lanie:  Weddingy.

Mom:  Did you dance with anyone?

Lanie: Yeah.

Mom:  Did you drink too much?

Lanie: Yeah.

Mom:  I don't understand you and your friends.  You drink with the sole purpose of getting drunk, we never did that.

Lanie:  It's a social lubricant. 

Mom:  So is a nice smile.

Lanie: Mom, head is-

Mom:  I think you should have yours at the synagogue.

Lanie: I'll hold a date in 2014.

Mom:  I'm not rushing you.  Just sayin'.

Lanie:  Okay.  I'm gonna go back to sleep-

Mom:  They can open up the doors at the synagogue to make the social hall bigger and I bet you can fit 350 people.

Lanie: 350?!

Mom:  Small weddings aren't an option in this family.  You have at least 50 cousins.

Lanie: Mom this is a long way away.

Mom:  I am planning two events before I die: my funeral and your wedding.  And both will be damn classy.